Five reasons why therapy may not be helping you reach your goals and what to do instead.
“I’ve been in therapy for over ten years and I’ve hit a wall”.
After years of building cognitive skills and increasing self knowledge in talk therapy, some people reach a point of stagnation.
Let’s explore some reasons talk therapy may not be the best fit for you, why it can only take you so far, and other therapy options that can help you achieve your mental health goals.
Reason One: You haven’t found a therapist who is the right fit for you.
When you are searching for a therapist, I encourage you not only to pay attention to the disorders they treat and their training, but how you actually feel in their presence. Hopefully you’ve started off with a free phone or video consultation. A therapist can have all the “right” credentials but may not be the right person to treat you and help you achieve your goals. And that’s ok. It doesn’t say anything bad about you (and it may not say anything bad about the therapist either). They just may not be the person who can serve you at this time.
If you’ve already begun therapy with someone and are finding they are not quite right, take the opportunity to express your feelings and concerns with the therapist. It’s ok if you don’t fully understand why it feels off. Even “this isn’t feeling right” is a helpful step to finding out if the therapist can respond to your needs or help you find your way to a best fit.
If you don’t feel safe and comfortable with your therapist, know that your healing, learning and growing will be inhibited.
So prioritize finding a therapist you feel comfortable with and who can take your feedback!
Reason Two: The therapy approach doesn’t fit your diagnosis, needs and goals.
There are many general practice therapists out there who can help with a variety of issues. While skilled, they may not have the experience and training of what is right for you (notice a theme here). Don’t be afraid to ask your therapist directly about their experience treating your specific symptoms and diagnosis.
Reason Three: You have PTSD or Complex PTSD
Thankfully we are in a time when there is far more research, knowledge, and awareness of the deep, pervasive nature of PTSD, Complex PTSD, and the necessity of “bottom up” approaches to reach pervasive trauma.
“Bottom up” approaches begin with the body, accessing the nervous system to tap into memories and patterns that are not solely held in the thinking brain and episodic memory. Also, traumatic events may have occurred very early in life, before parts of the brain were formed that could encode episodic memories. Responses to traumatic experiences (life-changing events that pose a perceived or real threat to our safety) come from our physiology: fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flop. These responses are imprinted on our physiological states, so it makes sense to reach those states through our physiology (body) as well.
Treatment modalities like somatic therapy, EMDR, and dance/movement therapy help access the unconscious learnings, memories, and relational patterns stored throughout your brain and body. Talking about it alone is not going to touch the complex web of information not stored in the verbal and explicit memory parts of your brain. We must go to the source, through the body first.
Reason Four: You need a variety of approaches and lifestyle changes
My most successful clients do much more for their mental health than show up for therapy once a week. (Although, let’s take a moment to pat yourself on the back if you are showing up once a week! It’s a big deal!) Especially when it comes to a diagnosis like Complex PTSD, we need a lot more than once or twice a week individual therapy to make long-lasting and faster shifts towards the life you want to live.
In addition to therapeutic programs or attending therapy sessions multiple times a week, what can you do on your own that is most impactful?
That depends on your individual history, strengths, symptoms and goals. Some questions to start with are:
- How is your overall health?
- What is your diet like/what kind of nutrition are you fueling your body and brain with?
- How are you moving your body?
- What is your support system like?
Engaging in poetry, creative writing, walking in nature, building community with people who see and understand you, repairing relationships, walking, getting to that cardio class, making music, dancing in your kitchen, dancing with others, throwing pottery, reading books to better understand your diagnosis and symptoms, attending yoga classes and learning to meditate – this is a starter list of activities that my clients have engaged in for 360 care of their overall health.
If you feel like talk therapy in particular isn’t working for you, check out offerings in somatic therapy for your mental health needs.
If you live in Massachusetts and are ready to start somatic therapy with me, fill out this contact form.